In order to understand my search and meaning as a Christian, it would only be fair to explain who I am.
I am divorced, let’s just say I have been married more than once, and I am a single mom. When my son’s father asked for a divorce, he agreed to give me sole custody of our son. I later re-married, he did as well, and then in the beginning of 2016 he had me served with papers. Basically, he wanted more time with his son but wanted to pay less in child support.
What came of this was almost a year of pure hell as a custody suit dragged on. Not only was I called names, but there was never any peace in communicating in regards to our son on various issues, and on a few occasions even harassing emails and texts. I couldn’t believe that someone that I once was able to communicate with and give consideration with extra time with his son (and someone that I loved with all of my heart) could ever treat me with such inconsideration, hate, and just pure evil on some occasions.
This year wrecked havoc on my marriage. And while I would never blame my ex for the demise of my new marriage, it certainly didn’t help matters. If I am really being honest though, yes, in many ways I do blame him. I blame him because of how this changed me as a person, how it affected my relationships, and how it affected me mentally and emotionally. All of which I will explain in greater detail later.
On top of this, I was watching my mother’s health decline as she is currently battling Alzheimer’s. Many nights I would leave my own family, and run to the aid of my father who needed help in taking care of my mom.
Where was God in all of this? This isn’t fair! This isn’t how my life was supposed to end up. Why me?
What I learned is that it takes getting to rock bottom, and ending up on your knees in prayer, to fully understand God’s love and grace. My hope is to share my story, share my journey in fully understanding on what it means to be a Christian, and to connect with others who are searching for a love and a peace that only God can give.